Bloop bloop...

Were the last words of the fishy that died in the hands of my boyfriend's cousin-in-law.

This is how it all started....

My boyfriend picked me up from school and asked if I was hungry "Meh" I said, but I knew he was starving because ten minutes ago he had just texted me "I'm starving." So I asked him "Where are you taking me out to eat?" Smile. He said that his cousin-in-law had just caught a catfish and that he wasn't going to cook it and would gladly give it to Iovan. My boyfriend then turned to me and asked me if I wanted it. "Ummmmm" was what I said, when I really should have said "NO!!!!!!! I don't want a fish!" I told him that I didn't know the first thing of preparing a fish and he said that I had to learn one day or another. My first image was the eyes of the fish. Eww. How could I pluck out the eyes of a fish...looking at me...with that pout like "Why me? Why are you killing me?"

I started to panic and he told me to look up online how to prepare the fish as we were three blocks away from picking up the fish. My hands trembling and obedient, I typed "how to prepare a fish" and pressed enter. I wanted to kill my boyfriend. How dare him make me kill a fish. How dare him make me take a knife and gut his insides.

He got out the car as he went to greet his cousin and I was inside the car looking up YouTube videos of how to prepare and filet a fish. I clicked on the first video and I saw the chef explain how you had to take a knife and cut the scales...the fins...the stomach.

Oh my God....

Thankfully my phone's battery was at 2% and it turned off a minute later.

Oh my God...

I closed my eyes and I hear a knock on the window and my bf tells me that we are going to his cousin's house so that he can cook it there.

Phew.

He gets inside the car and takes one look at my face and asks me what is wrong. I have a pout. He then continues to say that I shouldn't be so scared or sad about cutting open a fish because I eat plenty of fish at work.

IT'S NOT THE SAME THING!!!!!

Ten seconds later, my eyes start to tear up and he grabs my hand to console me. He said "Geez, then how are we ever going to eat fish if your are going to be too scared to prepare it?" It's not the same thing you know, having filets from the grocery store to actually having a WHOLE FISH WITH EYES AND IT'S STILL FLIPPING ITS FISHTAIL! 

I wish I was still a vegetarian.

So we go back to his cousin's house and they take the fish out of the Walgreen's bag were they had secured it. Ugh. We go to the back of the house and Juan placed it on the sink. The water came on and as soon as the water touched the fish, it became alive! OH MY GOD! IT STARTED FLIPPING AND I JUST RAN! DAMN IT! They were going to gut it alive and I was an accomplice. Murderer.

So you know that saying "Curiosity killed the cat." Well, damn it, it killed me because I went back to see how it was how they cut up the fish and I saw everything. Almost everything because that damn fish was still flipping its tail even after he cut his stomach wide open and I ran every time it did start moving... 

This post really should come with a "Not for the weak stomach" sign.

You know, this post is actually kinda sad, so I dedicate this post to the fishy I will name "Fighter". Fighter the fish...because even though they cut him wide open with guts out and all...he never stopped fighting for his life and even though he is sitting at the bottom of my stomach instead of the river, he was tasty and did not die in vain. Sorry Fighter. You are now literally sleeping with the fishies.

Bloop bloop...

Smiles

Oh geez, here I went again and totally forgot about you blog, I'm sorry. It's not you, it's me. :)

Life has just been a little bit out of the loop but thank God it was. It reminds me that I'm alive. I love that life isn't perfect because if it was there would be no compassion, love, the great feeling you have have after accepting that you can't control everything. I love that life can make you question things that SHOULD be questioned so that you can have a better understanding of what is out there, of what you want that's out there, of who you want to be.

I've been missing from this blog world for a bit because you know, I have life. Just saying. Hahaha. Don't get me wrong, I love to write because it inspires me and gives me ideas and good feelings inside and it reminds me that I'm a wise girl ...at times.

I've learning a couple of things while I've been away on holiday from blogging.

1) Biology, Anatomy and Physiology is crazy hard and yet I love to feel pushed to LEARN something new.

2) Little pieces of jewelry makes me happy. Bought a little gold necklace with a white flower in the middle for $3.80 at Forever 21. Makes me smile every time I see it sitting so peacefully on my chest.

3) I love how fast paced my job can be. Greeted and assigned 120 people to tables in the matter of 15 minutes. Booyah.

4) When I don't feel like I'm in a very good mood, I answer the work phone a little groggy but there is always that one person that sounds like their morning started off right. At times it can be annoying because I'm like "Geez, did birds come to your window and sang you a happy song and dressed you up?" but it still rubs off on me! Never fails.

5) I love making my boyfriend laugh. I feel so fucking happy that I want to just explode confetti out of my ears and nostrils and he has no idea.

6) I apparently like making lists. Meh. :)

7) Even though you go giddy over certain days, events, and plans....life is all about the little things that make you happy that helps your life make it bigger and better.

Never forget about the little things that make you smile. Be it a son holding on to a mother's hand, a joke your friend told you, the words "I love you" that come from your loved ones, the small ray of sunshine that pushes itself through the blinds and into your room so that it can reach you....it's the little things. Always.

Love, Laugh, and Live.

My sister Belen cleaned my room for the third time. I love her.

My boss, not too long ago said "I need to call my parents and tell them they did a good job." as he looked at himself in the door mirror.

My heart melted when I heard a little kid say "Thank you" when an older lady opened the door for him. It's the little things.

My dog wakes me up with kisses in the morning.

My cat sits like a human being.

My mom says "Si, mi vida?" every time I call her on the phone. It means "Yes, my life" in Spanish. She says that to my sisters too and I know that she truly means it.

My sister Diana says "Good luck to whatever you do today" every day I go out the door. I love her.

My sister Anahi can't lie to me because she knows it will hurt me. I love her.

My mornings are never boring.

My life is surrounded by laughter because I try not to take everything so seriously.

My Pandora stations are my breakfast in the morning.

My dad asks only important questions. I love him.

My friend Julia sends me positive vibes all the way from Florida and I feel them.

My third quiz online went A-Ok. :) 10/10 ain't bad ya know.

My first anatomy and physiology exam went A-Ok. :) 82 is not so bad since I only studied for a day and a half.

My boyfriend loves me. I think. :) If he doesn't, well, he likes me very much to put up with me for seven years. Today was our anniversary.

My Florence and the Machine never fails me.

My wall says "You are beautiful!" and I wake up to that every morning. Makes me smile all the time.

Be you, be beautiful and you will see that your light will shine through the darkness...

Easy to do, hard to unmake.

When I was tiny, I'd see my mom get frustrated over how someone would irritate her and my dad would all of a sudden hate that person. That stuck to me like gum on a shoe. So whenever a friend of mine would talk bad about someone, I would immediately hate them too! UGH! For no reason I would already make them my enemies. I thought I was being loyal but I thought wrong. I am just now realizing how I was spreading negativity and hate and I recently just saw that happen.

*Why is it so easy to talk bad about someone but so hard to give a compliment? *

A friend of mine was talking really bad about someone to another person (I even chimed in, but I felt like it was constructive criticism. Although, when people are already talking bad, anything else added on will also look like it's bad mouthing.) The person my friend was talking to treated my friend's "annoyance" like crap throughout the whole day, when they never even did anything to them to begin with.

What the what?

We need to refrain talking bad about someone to other people. I know that people need to vent and it's easy to just spill out those hate words, but I think it's much more helpful if you would explain just how you feel, and try to find a solution instead of making everyone else see the "bad" in that person and making everyone AGREE. We need to stop that.

Stop that bro.

And if you feel like a person just bad mouths everyone...politely check yourself out of the conversation. You and only you can make your own opinions about people. :)

Spread positivity, not negativity...

Mommy dearest..

Today, a beautiful woman has turned 48 and she doesn't look a day over 30. I'm serious. This extraordinary woman has four children (ALL WOMEN!), one dog, a cat, and Mexican husband that can sometimes drive her up the wall and I have yet to see a wrinkle on her face. She has a job outside her house and she starts another shift as soon as she comes in the doors of her house. "MOM! I can't find my bra!" "MOM! I'm gonna be late to work, can you give me a ride to the train station?!" "MOM! I'm hungry! there is nothing to eat at the house." "MOM!....MOM!....MOM!....MOMMY!"

I don't know how that poor woman does it but she does and I love her because she shows me that nothing is impossible. I love my mom and if she lived to be 100 years old...I still would not be able to repay everything that she has done for me. God has blessed me with a beautiful mother that has patience when I have none for her. God has blessed me with a cheerleader when I cover my ears so that I can drown her out. God has blessed me with a woman that has nothing but love and I'm here barely realizing that all she has done has been for us...and there is no time for her. I love her. I love her. I love her.


I hope God blesses me a hundred years more with her. Happy birthday mother of mine, you deserve so much and more.  ♥♥♥

I love when my mom laughs at my jokes. I love when my mom says the right things about self empowerment (which is all the time). I love that my never lets anyone put her down. I love when my mom says a swear word in english. I love when my mom says that I'm really beautiful and that she doesn't just say it because I'm her daughter. I love when my mom lets Duchess on her bed even though she says we shouldn't. I love when my mom talks to our pets like they are her own children. I love that my mom thinks of others who are in worse conditions than her. I love that my mom loves us...no matter what, especially me, her daughter from hell. I love my mom.

Dogs are a girl best friend..

I love pictures, and lately I've been posting a lot of funny kitty pictures but I can't help it that I think they are so adorable. So I came across some puppy pics and I think my life just got a little sunnier...☼

happy dog equals messy house.

I wondered who he surrendered to in his dream..

So apparently someone started the fight, now I'm trying to figure out if it was the blinds or the dog...I'm gonna go with the blinds.

Come and get the bacon!

I wish I could have done this to baby Duchess when she was little!

Puppy Photobooth!!!

Hey guys, can you scoot over? :)

You say animal cruelty, I say living the life..

Happy family pic! :)

 Who says our pets never learn anything from us. :)

Umm, I think you might have opened your mouth a bit too much there. :)

Sweet dreams everyone!

Scratch paper...it's not just for phone messages.

Today, was one of those days were I had to put one sock at a time, one shoe at a time, one pant leg at a time..you get what I'm saying. I was woken up and apparently not on the right side of the bed (by the way, which side is the right one? I WANT TO KNOW, SO THAT I MUST WAKE FROM THAT SIDE AT ALL TIMES!)

Cute moment* my sister knew there was something wrong as I woke up, got up and hugged me and said "I don't know what is wrong and you don't have to tell me, but here you go" I love her.

Still with that burning sensation in my heart and no it was not heart burn. I decided to get a piece of scratch paper and decided to write what I loved and damn it, it helped. Here is what I wrote.

I love Duchess. I love my mom. I love my dad. I love my sister Diana. I love my sister Belen. I love my sister Anahi. I love my bed. I love my smile. I love Julia. I love Michelle. I love the sun. I love fall. I love the fall breeze. I love sweaters. I love walks with my puppy. I love to read. I love to laugh. I love comedy. I love to watch food shows. I love food. I love when people tell me I'm beautiful. I love people who love me. I love the beach. I love swimming. I love to see people happy. I love to see people make other people happy. I love downtown. I love walking downtown. I love movies. I love movies that inspire. I love music. I love music that inspires. I love talking to nice people on the phone at work. I love talking to my sister about twilight. I love seeing my puppy happy. I love braids. I love Pandora. I love road trip games. I love the road. I love thinking of my future. I love everything that will be with me in my future. I love writing. I love pictures. I love funny pictures. I love dancing. I love random dancing with my sisters and coworkers. I love him. I love Him. I love to love. I love that this is actually soothing my heart. I love nature. I love talking about positive things with friends. I love cursive writing. I love to think about funny moments at random times. I love seeing people look at me like I'm crazy when I'm doing the former. I love that my puppy follows me all the time. I love to sing in the shower. I love to color while I'm waiting for my food at a restaurant that provides crayons...

As I wrote, I would say everything out loud. I think the word love slowly cooled the burning sensation of my heart.

I recommend you try doing this when you are down...and even when you are not down. It will help you remember that you love so much and your heart is ever growing. Believe me...I'm not done with this list. I stopped because A) I was on my fourth scratch paper...and B) I was still on the clock. Shhhh. heheheh....


Love will always save you, it should never hurt you...

p.s. I love this.

September, I member...

I don't love to complain...but I do it like a BOSS. It makes me mad that I don't seem to let things go as easily as I could. I do do it, eventually, but I would seriously want to be like "Ouch, that person just gave me the stink eye (dot) (dot) (dot) I'm over it." Hahaha. I'm gonna work on that. I will send two extra smiles to that person. But the thing I wanted to complain about was school. I love school don't get me wrong...but I dislike CHEMISTRY! Blah! I've forgotten how hard it is to read a biology book. This is me.

"The aerobic movement...yada yada yada yada....is called the cellular respiration".....

"CRAP! What did I just read?"

"The aerobic yada yada yada yada respiration"

"Damn it! Again!

"The aerobic movement yada yada yada....ah, screw it." (Close book and takes nap) Grr

*Cute moment of the day: My sister came in one of those times when I dozed off with the book still open. She called out my name to see if I was awake and she saw that I was not responding (I was awake, too lazy to respond). She put the book away and covered me up with the comforter. I love her. :)

Fall weather seems to have come just in time. I love sweater weather! Say that ten times... my sister couldn't even say it once "sweader weader."← hahaha, that was Diana.

Took a picture of my puppy. I need to stop calling her that, she's about to be three. (GAH! Must think of what I must get her! October 15 is just next month!)

I love you...I hope you read this. The world would not be the same without  you. ♥

♥