Home Sweet Home

As my husband and I recently celebrated our one year in our home, I realized what a long way I've come and how blessed I am to live in one of the most beautiful towns of Illinois.

The fact of the matter is that I am thankful for my mom and dad because I know I am where I am because of them. Ever since my parents came to live in the United States, we didn't always have  it easy but my parents always tried to create a safe environment with the little money they had. Like any Mexican family trying to achieve the American dream, we had to start from the bottom, the bottom of bottoms. We lived in basements and in the worst neighborhoods one can ever imagine but my dad fixed up those basements and mom cleaned those apartments so we would have a safe place to be.

I remember many times when we lived at Little Village, in the middle of the night, gang members would start fights. I never realized the danger of it bc I was only 7. One night I woke up to walk to my parents room, and I found them crouched underneath the window sill. They pulled me down so that if a stray bullet or broken glass came flying through it would not kill me. One day, in that very same apartment, in the middle of daylight, we heard a gun shot and a scream. This is all a blur to me now, because I think I subconsciously tried to forget this, but i peeked through the curtain, and I saw across the corner a guy lie lifelessly on the front steps. I think weeks later we moved. That's also around the time when I started to grow up and realize the dangers around us. My dad and my mom have always worked hard to keep us moving up, to keep us safe, to give us what they didn't have and more.

 So as you can see, I was not brought up all my life in picket fences, ponies, and rainbows. I was brought up with examples of hard work and I know the value of money. I know that what I have is practically gold but the people around me are diamonds. Forever shining bright to keep me in the right path.

I'm forever blessed for having amazing examples of love and hardworking parents and hardworking husband. Especially him for giving me the castle I live in.

To my alfalfa ❤️

Honestly, everything seems like a blur. But the good kind.

I'm talking about my memories, my past, my life almost ten years ago when I met the love of my life.

Recently my mind has taken me to the past when I'm idle.

The other day I remembered when Iovan and I would be in his jeep and he'd turn up the volume when his favorite song would come out from whichever band he was crushing on and just wail. He would push me to sing with him and I would. That man would make me do things and I wouldn't think twice.

It's stuff like that that will make me smile and laugh when I'm at work just doing mindless stuff and people will ask me "what's so funny?" And I'll just be "oh, nothing, just remembering something."

I love all my memories with him. Good and bad. Because in the end, we are husband and wife. Because in the end, he's the last person I see at night and the first one when I wake up. Because in the end, he's the beginning of everything.

You know, it doesn't take very much to get my mind going, I could be looking at a newspaper then all of a sudden I think of potty training puppies and how much I didn't struggle with duchess and how much I WOULD struggle with a human baby and THEIR potty training. All of a sudden I start thinking how scary it would be to take care of a human being.

That's just a little piece of what happens in Marcela's mind.

Lately, I've had baby brain. No, we are not pregnant and probably won't be for a little longer, but it is nice to just think about it, sometimes not so nice. I lied, it's mostly scary.

I'm 26 and Mexican, with no baby. If I wasn't married I'd be a borderline cat lady for most Mexicans. So the pressure has been put on me since I was 19, no lie.

I would very much love to have babies with my beautiful husband but every time I turn on the tv and watch a bit of news or read the newspapers I think to myself "why would anyone want to bring a life into this cruel, rude, violent world?" "How can I create a bubble around my babies so that nothing evil touches them?" Just those worries stress me out.

I can only imagine how actual parents worry. The world isn't even at the top of my worries. This is what/who I fear for my future babies.

1. Me
2. Me
3. Sickness

Me, because I could seriously harm my child with a blink of an eye.

Me, because I could traumatize them with my crazy ways. They'd blame their insecurities/trust/crazy antics on me. I wouldn't be able to forgive myself.

Sickness, I don't even want to start with that.

I know, I know, follow my advice don't stress about the future, don't stress about things that haven't even happened. It's hard when it comes to your own babies.

But yes, that's the web(s) in my head I like to spin. It's ok if you call me crazy. I am.

Now, I'm thinking about eating meat on this beautiful lent Friday.

It's hump day.

There is not enough lotion in this world. My hands are rougher than a construction worker. Darn you winter. Darn you.

Anywho, moving on to another important point, I give you number 4

"Be a good teammate.

Life can come at you hard. One of the nice things about marriage and relationships is being able to have someone else in the bunker when you’re getting shelled."


This is true all around. Iovan and I have had some bumps down the road (I'm not talking about in our relationship but around it) and it felt so good to have the kind of support your partner in life can only give you. Of course, you have family and friends that will always be there for you but nothing compares to the relief and love you receive from your loved one.

The only thing your partner wants is for you to be there. Just there. They will be honest with you and tell you to just hold their hand or to just hug them. They won't need a cheer, they won't need advice, sometimes they just want you to be near.

❤️

Too early for fishing in the toilet...

So last night I was rereading my blog because I like to see how many grammar errors I've made (many), and see if I missed something. I was tossing and turning last night and when I woke up this morning I realized that I did. I forgot to mention that my husband is better than any fake Jim Halpert, Ryan Gosling, and Cory.

He's the real deal.

Since the start of our relationship, he's just been the most sweetest, romantic, adorable guy ever. He's done so many things that people who write about romantic and sweet guys, wish they would have thought of. The man never ceases to surprise me. I truly know that I'm on his mind 24/7...along with the Blackhawks. :)

Anywho, moving on to the next TWO points from "50 and counting.."

"2. Forgive.
Didn’t Jesus say something about forgiving someone not just seven times but seventy times seven? That would be 490 times….which should last you through your first 6 months. Jesus underestimated because, remember, he wasn’t married.


3. And forget.
If you forgive but don’t forget, did you really forgive? I know people who claim to have forgiven but still use every available opportunity to bring it up. And if you don’t want to forgive, forgetting works just as well."

I can't count how many things I've done and said to him that didn't piss him off and royally hurt him. I can get mad sometimes and Iovan could be standing in the line of fire and he does not escape my wrath. Though, time and time again has shown how forgiving he has been. 

But you know that saying "I can forgive but I'll never forget", well you're not really 100% forgiving. So when you forgive someone, make sure that in your heart and mind you forget. Forget because it will bring peace to you and into your relationship. It's the only way.

 You have no idea how many couples have said this to me when they talk to me about their problems. It confuses me. They are not progressing, they stay stuck in a rut, or in a vicious cycle. They'll be like "Oh I forgive them, but I can't forget. So I'm allowed to do this because they did this to me and if they say something, I'll just remind them what they did to me."

I hope you get what I just said on that last part of the paragraph. Lol.

So don't just forgive, but also forget. Forget what you're forgiving them for. It's the only way to move forward. I think this applies to everyday life situations. Friends, family, and co-workers.

I had two glasses of proseco fall on me, but this has nothing to do with it.

So many things to say about this Wednesday, but the right words don't come across my mind though. Does that make sense? I don't know. I almost want to say my emotions get heightened when I start reading a book. It's the most extraordinary and weirdest feeling to have. You are living in two worlds at the same time and both worlds pull so many emotions out of you. I'm not making any sense though, it's 11 pm and I should be in bed right now and I'm not. I'm on the train bc I just got off from work. Right now, I'm feeling blessed, sad, relieved, excited, anxious, avid, creative, exhausted....I can go on forever. I'm also feeling forgiving.

I'm an adult and for a while now I have been looking back in the past and just realizing how many stupid fights, arguments and silent treatments I've had for honestly the dumbest reasons. Because any reason to be mad is dumb. There, I said it. Well ok, there are some extreme exceptions but other than that....just dumb. Someone bad mouthed you, dumb. Someone excluded you, dumb. Someone tried to steal something,  dumb dumb and dumb.

Anywho, that's my Wednesday night in a nutshell. Still fighting the sore throat fight. Phlegm is winning. It's ok though, doesn't seem to be lasting that much longer. I think one more night of medicine and I shall be good. By the way: Hi, I'm 26 years old and I still hate liquid medicine. Yuuuuuuck. Blech! Vomit!

So someone posted this relationship link on Facebook today and I shared it on my profile bc I thought this really hit the nail on the head but I wanted to just kinda add more of my commentary... I think I'll do a "50 and counting"

So the link is about 50 things that will help your relationship and the first one the posted was so good. So I just wanted to babble some more about it, I've put on some AVB on my iPod and I just feel like writing so here it goes.

The first one is called

"1. Burn your blueprint.

Rid yourself of whatever fantasies you harbor about the bliss of coupled life. They’re not helping. There is no script, so don’t be disappointed when your fairytale gets hijacked."

Can we just agree to this? Don't get me wrong, I'm one of those suckers that watches The Office and looks at Jim and Pam, then I'll turn to Iovan and be like "why can't you be more like halpbert?!?!" Or I'll watch The Notebook by myself and text Iovan "why can't you write me 365 love letters?!?!" And so on.

The ideas movies and shows put in our heads are so unrealistic that when you head into a relationship with this notion of finally meeting Prince Charming or the cool, hip, "she's into threesomes" girl, you set your relationship up for fail. Everything in that screen is a lie. So the faster you finally figure out you and your lover are not Cory and Topanga, or Mickey and Minnie Mouse, the better.

But I'm not trying to turn this into a negative.

Your husband or wife has flaws but it is your job, and your job only, to always find the good things about them. Always. Even when your mad.

They are better than any tv character. They are real and they married you.

Yelled till they were pink and blue...

It might be the horrible frigid weather, the lack of sunlight, or the extra pounds everyone is trying to hide, but everyone is just super grouchy and it makes me so upset.

This morning the metra was a mess because a train was short a car due to mechanical problems, therefore it was full to the brim. Passengers were squeezing in and staring menacingly at the people literally at the edge of the door trying to bully them into making more room for them. It was impossible. So the people left behind marched right back in to the station to take their frustration at the poor ticket lady. I know that people have every right to be upset for having to get to work late without it being their fault. Time is money, I get it. But why yell at the poor lady behind the window who's only job is to inform and give you your tickets. I mean, a line formed and one by one everyone asked her the same damn question and she gave the same and courteous answer. It's not like she was withholding information or extra trains just for fun. Cursing and yelling was all I heard and It took every ounce in my body not to get up and yell at them, but in the end I would just be like them.

My point is, if you find yourself at the brink of an outburst, remember this

"...let everyone be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger..." -James 1:19

And...

"No one likes a grouchy pants." -Me