You know, it doesn't take very much to get my mind going, I could be looking at a newspaper then all of a sudden I think of potty training puppies and how much I didn't struggle with duchess and how much I WOULD struggle with a human baby and THEIR potty training. All of a sudden I start thinking how scary it would be to take care of a human being.

That's just a little piece of what happens in Marcela's mind.

Lately, I've had baby brain. No, we are not pregnant and probably won't be for a little longer, but it is nice to just think about it, sometimes not so nice. I lied, it's mostly scary.

I'm 26 and Mexican, with no baby. If I wasn't married I'd be a borderline cat lady for most Mexicans. So the pressure has been put on me since I was 19, no lie.

I would very much love to have babies with my beautiful husband but every time I turn on the tv and watch a bit of news or read the newspapers I think to myself "why would anyone want to bring a life into this cruel, rude, violent world?" "How can I create a bubble around my babies so that nothing evil touches them?" Just those worries stress me out.

I can only imagine how actual parents worry. The world isn't even at the top of my worries. This is what/who I fear for my future babies.

1. Me
2. Me
3. Sickness

Me, because I could seriously harm my child with a blink of an eye.

Me, because I could traumatize them with my crazy ways. They'd blame their insecurities/trust/crazy antics on me. I wouldn't be able to forgive myself.

Sickness, I don't even want to start with that.

I know, I know, follow my advice don't stress about the future, don't stress about things that haven't even happened. It's hard when it comes to your own babies.

But yes, that's the web(s) in my head I like to spin. It's ok if you call me crazy. I am.

Now, I'm thinking about eating meat on this beautiful lent Friday.