Thursday night rambling

Project M:

Day 1,

Today, I lost it. In the most childish way, I lost it. For about four months or so, maybe more, there has been this dislike for somebody that has just been snowballing inside me and it's become intolerable. Just the sight of this person makes me want to punch a wall until my knuckles bleed dry, and don't get me started on their voice. Their voice means a death of a thousand puppies. It's that unbearable.

The fact is, this feeling of "hatred" (and I put it in quotation marks bc I don't like using that word or even feeling it) that has harbored inside of me is really starting to take a toll on me. I can't concentrate and just like Cady heron, word vomit just spills out incessantly.

It also doesn't help that I've been surrounded by this negativity fog lately and it's not this Mercury Retrograde thing. I've been feeling like that for a while now. It's not depression. I think it's less serious. I guess I can blame laziness that's come over me. I don't want to see the positive in anything because sometimes being positive just drains so much energy. You know that phrase "fake it till you make it". There was so much falseness and not enough of a genuine feeling. So I stopped trying and I freaked out more often. Looking for the bad in everything so I had something to blame why things didn't work out the way i wanted them to. Ugh, this paragraph is making me upset. Of course, I love positivity. It's the ONLY way to be. But like I've said, I'm caught in this negative tornado and I can't see land yet.

Moving on-  to cut this short there's been a voice inside of me that has been telling me to quit it. Also, Dr. Alchemist has been given me some positive thoughts. I very much appreciate Doc.

Uuuugh, someone just farted and it stinks. And I'm surrounded by three women so I know one of them is not very classy.

Anywho, I've started a project. I hope to see it through.

One last word vomit of this ass that makes me cringe. This person calls me "happy pants" and that fact that this person DOES NOT make me happy just makes my blood boil. I shall call this person Sad Pants.

Today I loved my hot chocolate in the morning.