i try really hard, i try to bring light into my heart, to see the good in people but especially everything that i've gone through in my life. i try hard to learn the lesson and to not repeat it again, but i dwell on it so much that i don't see that i'm making the mistake again. if life were easy, there would be no pain, no breathless nights while sobbing on the drenched pillow smeared with the mascara from last night. if life were easy, there would be no time for "what if's" and what not's"

i'm sure life can be easy, but why haven't i learned to stay in my path to the light?

there is this one moment i hit rewind in my brain at different times of the day...i almost feel a tear coming and a "why?" but with my almightest of mights my heart says "stop, you've had enough" and like that the moment of being in tears slips like the sand running through my hands. so grateful for the power my mind has, but sometimes it forgets and it fails to keep up that great china wall i built around it so it can keep the bad thoughts out.

love can only see me through. i need love. give me love. i want love.