Love Actually

So its 12:30 a.m. and I can't go to sleep. I just finished watching Love Actually and I'm in tears. There is so much love that I can barely bare it.

I'm a romantic, always have been and I always will be.

P.s. I love my Iovan so much, that sometimes I feel like my heart might just explode. He gives me the strength when I most need it and he does not know. And tonight as I watched him napped, I was thinking how life would be hell if anything happened to him. God, please watch over this man, he carries my heart.

P.p.s. Daisy has a soaking tennis ball in her mouth ( don't know why its soaked, could be drool, water, or worst pee) and she wants me to throw it around the house. Know that its now 12:39 a.m. Crazy puppy.

Just woke up and I can say without a shadow of doubt that Daisy's farts are ten times more lethal than Duchess'. What the fuck am I feeding her?

Got cut this morning and I'm watching garbage on tv. I'm allowed to bc I'm in pain. Daisy is on my lap and Duchess is looking from the sidelines, as if she is no longer my favorite. Drama queen, wonder where she gets it from but I wonder if that is how she really feels.  I hope she knows that I only take her to the park and unleash her while I only walk daisy. I hope she knows she's still extra espeshal. (And when the fuck is that skunk smell gonna come out of her head? It's been like three months already since she got sprayed by a skunk.)

Day cut too short, on my way to work. Yay...................

RAGINA!! Warning: This post is grody.

Well, I'm back again. I recently just got a little push of writing inspiration and it was probably in one of the worst ways. I've recently have been reading one of the saddest yet inspiring blog lately and for some reason it got me wanting to write so I found myself back in this little ol' place. It is almost like a second home to me. I was thinking why must people wait till something bad happens for people to start writing and pouring their soul into words in a blog when you can just write when all is well and "boring".

So here goes nothing while you jump in my crazy little brain.

All is well in the life of Marcy. Iovan and I recently added a new member to our family. Sweet little devil named Daisy. That little brat makes me happy and mad at the same time and those light brown eyes make me gaga over her. Now I have two fart machines on my bed. Hooray. -_-

Iovan and I just celebrated a very nice (FANTASTIC) anniversary. I still love that man, day and night. He's home. He bought us matching homemade bracelets and it makes my heart heart flutter just to see it on him, knowing I have one just like it. (If you are rolling your eyes or thinking that its so high school, well, nobody asked for your fucking opinion.) ;)

This morning could not have been the most perfect morning of my whole life. (p.s. it is very hard to display sarcasm online) This morning I was once again reminded I am woman. Thanks. So as I'm setting up my serving section, quietly (which is very shocking if you know me) my manager asks me what is wrong with me and I gave him a scare with my stare. (Rhymed!) And he knew from there on to stay away from me. The lunch shift starts and its when my pain was at its highest. Fuuuuck. Grabbed the closest manager and asked for a magical pill (ibuprofen) from the office. Took it but I think it was too little too late. As I get my first table, I had tunnel vision and hearing. Fuuuuck. I felt like one of those (Interview with a Vampire) new vampires where they are seething with pain as the venom reaches across your whole body. I felt like laying on the cold floor of the girls bathroom. I greet my table and ask how everyone is doing and they respond asking me as well how I'm doing. "oh you know, my uterine lining is shedding as we speak, the pain pill i just took feels like its coming back up, and I'm shaking but I'm trying my hardest not to make it obvious that I feel like I'm dying. But besides that, everything is fucking fantastic" I think I was doing a bad job of hiding it though as I could almost see a customer look at me with fear that I might just fall flat on my face. (That customer gave me almost 25% tip. Bless him.)

As I was writing all of that ^ I was thinking about the time I first got my monthly bill and my mom was at work and I had to tell my dad. MY DAD. You should have seen the look on his face when I told him.."uh uh uh uh uh....". Poor guy.

Currently I'm eating hot chips (don't tell the boyfriend). Fuck my "strict" diet. I was very good about not getting that chocolate chip muffin in the morning but I now understand the craving for junk food when you are in this little pow pow event. I don't know why, maybe its all in our head that we need to have junk food to feel better, but damn it, it does make feel better.

Got to go actually, loved being back in this little corner of mine, but I love carne en si jugo more so I got to help iovans mother make din din.

P.S. not only am I back, but so is SWEATER WEATHER!!!

Life as we know it, is like this one big never-ending joke. Like for example, this man is deeply in love with this woman, who is taking a train to Texas to live there permanently, suddenly realizes that he can't let her go and so he goes to the train station to stop her and tell her how he can't live without her. But the cab he takes breaks down and so he has to run only to find a big man hole between the him and the only entrance! So he finds a long 2x4 so he can walk across. He has allergies and some pollen gets sweeped up by the wind and brushes his face. ACHOO! down he goes but his fingers are holding on to dear life to the 2x4. This little ant out of nowhere comes and goes down his arm and starts doing the rumba on his armpit. The woman's train is leaving in ten minutes and the man is in the hole with a broken leg and a broken arm. He screams out for help but the jackhammer across the street starts hammering away. No one hears him. Then he loses consciousness, the hole is so dark that no one can see that there is a man in the bottom. Two days later two construction workers go down the hole, see the man, and is saved. The woman, she was never at the station. She went to the man's house five minutes after the man had left to go look for her. Yeah, I know, this would never ever ever happen, but shit happens that make you say "SERIOUSLY?" (I've been watching a lot of Grey's Anatomy reruns and it seems like that word is very popular with the writers)

I guess, the moral of my story is:

1. Don't take taxis when chasing after the love of your life.
2. Don't be stupid and try to cross a man hole with a 2x4.
3. Try your hardest to look for another entrance (A train station can't possibly just have one entrance)
4. Take your allergy medicine.

And last but not least...

5. Don't get to the point of having to chase the love of your life. When you know how much they mean to you, don't you ever let go.

Duh.

This past week, I've definitely not felt like myself. I've become like this little ant hiding between the sidewalk cracks so that no one steps on me. I'm torn and a little lost. All I want is to find peace and I can't seem to find it no matter how high or low I search for it. I'm tired. I'm weary. I'm upset. All I want is some sort of sign that no matter what, I should just keep my head held high and let the good things come. I need to stop pressuring people, or pushing them away, or trying so desperately to keep them with me. I want love and happiness and possibly, to not give a fuck about anyone else but me. I feel like I need to go into this deep blue ocean and swim down as far as I can so I can go save me from falling further down into the pit of the dark thoughts. This is the worst post i've written, but maybe I can keep this post as a reminder to never be in this place.

I need to be here now....

Shortest Month, Shortest Post..

When it all comes down to it, you have to realize that time is not always on your side but you can will it to be if you let all the silly small troubling things roll of your shoulders and you take the things that matter the most with arms wide open.

Just smile.

February, how I love thee

Welp, February is here and there are hearts, anything and everything covered in red. Mon ami, mon cheri, je t'adore, je t'aime....ok, Pepe Le Pew just ran across my mind.

Just finished all my homework.

Le Sigh...
I love me.

And I LOVE drinking out of juice bottles with a straw because it reminds me when I was a little kid and used to drink out of juice boxes. :)

I love walking on the edge of the sidewalk and pretending to be in a circus walking the tightrope. I'm 24, yeah, I know.

I love pizza. That is all.

I LOVE that my dad kissed my arm when I gave him a hug first thing this Saturday morning. He loves me.

I LOVE that i'm THIS close to graduating.

I love today...and this song...♥